So I find myself thinking about all of the people that have been a positive, encouraging influence in my life. There are a lot of you, and you all know who you are. On the other hand, I have a "group" of people (who I don't have a problem with) that always try to sway me. Today, there was a holiday party with a bunch of food left- I am talking pretty much sweets (which is my downfall!). I had already had lunch (lean cuisine and a 100 cal pack for dessert) and this "group" of people kept bugging me. I swear, they asked me 25 times. And then some of them came back from getting food and then others left for more. Then it was round two for me. It was: "just go down there and see what they have!"; "You don't have to get anything"; "I am sure there is a veggie tray"... etc. Clearly, they don't know me, I CAVE ON SWEETS. Then when everyone got their food and door prizes, I was asked again... I said, "why don't you guys respect my diet issues!" They know I am always at least TRYING to eat healthy. This time I am not caving.

Then, I thought about this... I have lost 2.5 pounds! Yippeeee. I gain so easily and I am on a roll. I don't want to give up already!!

So, I just got done working out and I am feeling great! Going to head to the saunas!

Calories In: 1900-2000 (26 pts- my allotment).

Calories Out: ~700-800 (35 min elliptical, 30 min stairstepper, 350 crunches). -8 pts

Feelin' good!

AND I GOT A WORK OUT PARTNER!! YIPEE, MONICA!!

In fear of sounding like losing weight is easy (look at me- it IS NOT!), it has been my experience that losing weight is easier than maintaining weight. When you see a 1-3 pound loss each week for about 6-8 months (or however long it took me; I can't remember) and then all of a sudden, the scale says the same number it has said in a very long time- it gets frustrating and it takes a long time for the mind to adjust to that. Just as in this case, when I was bigger and losing weight, I saw FOR THE LONGEST TIME the 230 person staring back at me, no matter how many compliments I was getting. I just didn't see it- even measurements didn't convince me (yeah, I AM mental!). It's what I like to call "fat mentality". I would say the corollary is what I have had (until) recently, circa 10 months. I guess I would say that I am "lucky" one, because I feel that when I gain weight it is an all over thing, not just one "problem area". You see, this SUCKS, because once I finally got out of the "fat mentality", I started gaining weight. It's ironic, really. Here comes the corollary: "skinny mentality". I have seen this before in others. It is not necessarily a bad thing in others- just because I admire high self-esteem like that, because its what I lack. Well, so I still felt like that 170 person and was like "oh, 5 pounds, that's nothing!". And didn't notice and then it was 10. Then some of my 12's didn't fit. I didn't mind (at the time). I wasn't seeing it. I wish someone would have said "SNAP OUT OF IT!" But now I am BACK in a 16 (my largest was a 18). But today I had somewhat of an epiphany of sorts. You guys can think I am crazy... that's fine. In May, I packed away all of the "skinny" clothes into a suitcase. [A sidenote, when I lost weight, everyone said THROW AWAY THE FAT CLOTHES! ... I did, but I regret that cuz they were cute and I could be wearing them now! ha.] Today, I took that suitcase out and tried on the clothes that I used to wear. I was wearing them until last December (a year ago). This was my true test to get out of the "skinny mentality" [I must say that I have never thought I was "skinny" and always had a bad self-image. So using "skinny" is a relative term for ME--- simply my size 10 and 12 pants... just for a clarification....] It was atrocious. Some, okay most, wouldn't even button and the ones that did, well, lets just say it was not a pretty sight. When I had a huge school thing where I had to dress up, I broke down and bought a pair of Gap pants (16) for $50. I am wearing them right now. They are kinda big now (a good thing), but I have nothing for in between... besides the ones in my suitcase. I just watched SpiderMan3 last night... it's like when he has the evil suit in the trunk of his closet and it became the white elephant in the room. (Bad analogy?? ha.) So, this is a huge incentive for me. And when I finally found a shirt that pseudo-camouflaged my tummy, I realized how wide I have gotten. Now, it's to working on it!

Alright, I have eaten well so far today! YAH! I will work out later when I am done working on some school stuff. Thanks guys for reading. (I appreciate the comments!; hint!)

Hi! So today I was really excited about my first day. I think I did pretty well. I turned down supper with lab-mates and ate 300 cals of really filling soup instead (and saved money). Working out was a... challenge. Only because I haven't done it in awhile and because I think about who I was before and how I got there. Then I caught myself thinking negatively and then reasses and tell myself this is a good thing and that I have the ability to do it (as I have shown before).

Calories In: 1400 cal/ 16 pts (bad, I know --- too low for those of you who don't know the pt system, but I will be eating something a little later, I am sure.)

Calories Out: 15 min treadmill (kicked my butt), 25 min stairstepper, 13 min bike, 350 abs. I decided not to do weights because my body wouldn't like me in the morning ANYWAY. ha. So ... I would say b/w 450-500 cals (7 pts).

Disclaimer: I am not really a "calorie counter"- I like to abide by the pt system because it is a balance of calories, fat and fiber. :D

Have a great Sunday, people!

Hello people! I am trying this out because I really need assistance in working out and holding myself accountable... so here it goes! I ate not so great today... My history is that I used to weight 230 pounds (I am 5'8) and then I joined WW and went down to 164 (for a day) but maintained my goal (168) for about 3 or 4 months and then stayed at 170-175 for a year (which I was happy with)... then I let 2 pounds go to 5 pounds and 5 to 10 and 10 to 20 and 20 to ... gasp... well, I am at 197... a 33 pound gain :( What?! Did I actually just do the math? I was 172 in March and then I had surgery and then in July I was 185 and now.... :( I know if I don't stop now (or start!) I will be 230+ ... I have always had a problem w/ food and weight. When I was really healthy (and happy--- now I am just miserable and UNhappy because I make poor decisions and my body and mind feel like crap and I don't work out anymore --- my life is very hectic, but we're not getting into my "personal" life or excuses!) I was obsessed with the scale. Everyday I would weight myself and freak out about a pound. I thought that was unhealthy. Well, apparently, if I do not obsess about it.... well, then I turn into what I have currently become. I hate it! So, tomorrow I am going back to WW (I am so dreading that ). I am going to bite the bullet and do that tomorrow. I am going to work out tomorrow. I am going to write down what I ate tomorrow.

Today calories: ~2300 calories, ~60g fat, ~15g fiber. Yep, I was bad, but I AM FESSING UP TO IT! So, guys and gals--- this is my shout out... please give me encouragement so I can make it back to my "old" self (well, after I lost the weight and gained it! ha)... So, thanks for listening!!


Caen, France (black tshirt); June 2004, ~230 pounds


July 2004, ~220


(back row third from left); January 2005, ~210


May 2005, ~192 (and I was excited!)



June 2005, ~190



July 2005, ~185


Sept 2005, ~175



Sept 2005



January 2006, ~175



April 2006, ~168 (and stoked!)



May 2006 (black shirt and gray pants) I look at this and can NOT believe that was me! I thought I could stand to lose 20 more pounds! I am crazy.



May 2006, my college graduation, ~170



December 2006, 175



February (2 days before emergency surgery!) 2007, 175



May 2007, 180



July 2007, 185 (feeling miserable!)


September 2007, 185



October 2007, 190

And 7 since then :(