This week has been a helluva week. I feel more behind as ever and when I feel like this, I get even more UNPRODUCTIVE! Finding this topic is KILLING ME... and I feel as if I am more depressed than ever. I guess it doesn't help that I went to Chipotle tonight... had tacos (not as bad as the burritos) BUT I had a margarita with it. I haven't had any hard liquor for about three months (if you can call it that!) ... and to top it all off, I had ice cream for dessert --- the low fat / low cal variety, but at this point, does it even matter?! GRR. I am just frustrated and feeling alone and unaccomplished!

I am just frustrated. I am really behind on research and I can't seem to focus. It's just so hard going to school everyday knowing that you hate it. How do I change my mentality to actually like something? Esp. when you hear it from everyone you know about how unhappy you are. I get it. Yes, it's not like I am not aware of it, but it just drags me down and my energy down that much more to hear other people acknowledge those feelings. I just need to find a way how to trick my brain into actually liking what I do and liking not being a couch potato (I am sure I could take that up if I had the chance). But I heard a reassuring thing the other day from a friend. She said that she *hated* school when she was there. Emphasize the hate. And she *loves* what she does now (the same thing she went to school for). Granted, I am not so sure it is as hellish as grad school, but she hated it all the same. I just need to work at loving this. Then it will all be worth it... I hope and pray.

I am just thinking this as I am not doing research, once again, and am effing working on this project re-do. I don't even have a topic yet. That's a hard part, too, believe it or not. And my colleagues don't know that I have to re-do it, so I bet they just assume that I am a lazy mo-fo. Granted, I feel like most of the time I am compared to them, but you know. I just thought "school" was over and "summer" could start. A) it hasn't and B) oh, how I wish "summer" was actually "summer". To go back to the "good ol' days" of working and having mini vacations. I really wish I could just win the lottery and become a fitness expert. But isn't that like taking nutritional advice from someone who is 30 pounds overweight, or from a matchmaker who is single? Yes, yes, I think so.

Not the best idea, but we did it anyway...

Bud1 and I did repeat 100's. Wow. Why? haha.

We started with a 1/2 mile warm up. Which, btw, after that I was even dead.

On the track, we sprinted 100 meters, then jogged 100 meters, then sprinted, jogged... we did the sprints on the straights, and the jogs on the curves for the first five.

The second 5x100 meters we sprinted the curves, and jogged the straights. We both agreed that we were on the verge of throwing up.

Then we went inside and did a bunch of arm weight workouts. We basically did our own thing then were going to go do some abs.

He basically layed there as I did abs. He said "you can do them. If I do, I will throw up."

Keep in mind, we are out of shape graduate students!

And even more humorous is that he was telling me that we were going to run three miles yesterday. I said I would have if it weren't for the hellish workout we did! I called it early on that neither of us would do it.

I woke up this morning feeling like a ton of bricks were laying on me the whole night. It was horrible! I am so out of shape and need to get fit!

I am not sure how many calories I burned yesterday, but I am guessing ~750. Today I played basketball for about 90 minutes and tomorrow me and the running partner are planning on running outside for about an hour. It'll be rough, but I will feel much better after this!

Here's to getting fit and hopefully staying fit!

The tickerfactory.com "ticker" (seen below) got me thinking. It states at my highest weight, I was at a BMI of 34.1. According to standards, I was obese. I never would have thought of myself as "obese". Overweight, yes, but not obese. Now, I am at a BMI of 28.4... still overweight, according to standards. At my lowest, I was at 24.9. Just in the nick of being "normal"... yet, that weight was attained for, oh, what?... a few days? My body just liked four pounds more, which is more easily attainable anyway! Okay, will write more later... busy in lab!

Whenever the boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) tells me there is good news and bad news I ALWAYS want the BAD first, so that's how I will start...

Bad:

I have only ran on Monday.

BUT...

Good:

I continue to take the stairs and have done 22 stories up and down... today, I decided I would keep track.

And I have been writing everything I have been eating down.

I am feeling better! yay!

It also helps that my "sister" is in town (she's really not my "sister", but she's my sister). My cute little "niece" (again the same scenario) is not here, but mommies need breaks, too. As many of you know, she is carrying my (and Charlie's) future God baby! yay!

The following story has NOTHING to do with fitness or health, but it was just too funny not to share... you heard the disclaimer!

So, I was talking to the boy last night and I told him that I hope it's a boy; he hopes it is a girl. Yet, I think it'll be a girl and then he said "fine, I'll take the opposing stance" - meaning he thinks (or maybe doesn't think) it's a boy. The following will be in conversation format...

Him: "Two girls! You had a sister and look at all the fun you had."
Me: "And that turned out 'well'?!"
Him: "Well, you had fun!"
Me: "Yeah, we did. We would always play teacher/ student. And guess who was always the teacher?"
Him: "***** was."
Me: "Yes, miss bossy-ass herself. We also would have coloring contests between us and go to my dad when we were finished to 'grade' them. Of course, we were ALWAYS a tie!"
Him: "If I had kids (* NEITHER OF US WANT KIDS *), I would be a fair judge and pick a winner." (laughingly)
Me: "No, you wouldn't! You couldn't take sides!"
Him: "Yes, I would. How else would they learn to color within the lines?"
Me: "Coloring outside the lines is not always a bad thing!"
Him: "Yes, it is - I would tell them what needed to be fixed."

By this time, I am laughing my butt off, because there is no way he is completely serious.

Me: "Did you know I won a coloring contest in fourth grade?"

Then, I learned something new about the boyfriend of 10 years, 8 months.

Him: "I won a coloring contest, too. I won a $50 savings bond, which is in my desk drawer and is probably $66 by now."
Me: "All I got was a $2 bill!" haha

Then, we were describing our "works of art". Isn't it funny the little details you remember about your childhood?!

Mine was had a fire station theme. His, a Christmas theme with Santa.

Mine in marker. His in crayon.

Mine outlined in black marker. His outlined in shading (dark to light).

Mine having a background that no kid had. It was flames from red to orange to yellow.

His NOT colored. LINED. He carefully, meticulusly colored in straight lines.

Isn't it even more funny that somethings do not and will not change?!

I continue to color outside the lines- and in BOLD colors - crazy and messy tied into one.

He is neat, tidy, organized, shy.

Yet, at the same time, still winners, huh? But oh so polar opposite.

That's why we're perfect for each other - he's everything I am not, and I am everything he's not or he does things I don't, etc. He's neat; I am messy. I live in the clouds, he is realistic. I am bold and outlandish, he's well-mannered, but still knows how to make me laugh.

Random, yes.

I was talking to Bud1 today and just randomly went from one story to another. And he looked at me confusingly. I said, what?! Oh, I am sorry, different subject. Work with me. He said, I seem to be the only one that doesn't get your "stories". Then I said, no, you're probably the only *honest* one who doesn't pretent to "get" my stories. hahaha. I am still laughing over this one.

Have a great weekend!!!!!! The sis and I are going to the farmer's market! Quadrupole yay!