Okay, so finals week is OFFICIALLY over. YAY! Or, so I thought. Last week was atrocious. It was excruciatingly painful, to say the least. But, I got through the 20 page paper that took about 60+ hours to think up and put together and the take home final that consumed two days of my life and the proctoring of exams and the grading of exams and grading of assignments and the little or no sleep but to finish it off I got a TA award, so needless to say I was pretty pumped. So, I thought FINALLY!... I could focus on research, because it has definitely taken a back burner this last semester. It feels as if everything is at a standstill. If it were a pond, my life is the muck floating on top but now it just feels like the muck is still there and someone stirred it up.

So, I wanted to start some "summer resolutions" as I have been calling it. For one I wanted to start running, getting up early, getting on a schedule (okay, that's waaaaaay more than one), getting fit and eating right, and lastly, to take the stairs instead of the elevator. Doesn't sound bad, right? Well, I am on the 8th floor BUT it only takes 2-3 minutes and with the unpredictable elevators, it is sometimes FASTER and I am thinking that any amount of calorie burn is going to add up, right? Keep in mind I trudge those stairs in the morning, at lunch break, after supper break and whatever in between floors... and I can feel my endurance is getting better --- I am not getting as winded. I also want to use Charlie's bike to bike to school if he ever gets it fixed! Not like he uses it or anything as it just sits in his garage taking up space. That one is at a standstill.

Okay, so on Monday, I woke up on the six am hour (yeah it was 645), then I ran for about 3.5 miles around where I live. There is a HUGE hill (it's 0.5 miles of a straight I would say 40 degree incline) so I made sure to get that over with first! ha. Then I got back, got ready, got to the lab over the 8 am hour :). Very good for ANY organic person! Then my boss came in at about 930 and I was the only one in, so that's a good impression, I would say.

He came to talk to me and he said that I have to redo my 20 page report. To spare you the details, there was some miscommunication on both parts and I have to START over. I have had a few days to brew over my emotions. I was really upset. I cried in front of my boss AGAIN. As my bff says, important things in life stir up emotion and people deal with them differently; some people get mad or angry, some people yell, but we cry. It's true I really couldn't help it. I felt like I was once again stomped on. This always seems to happen when I am down or have prospects to feel like I am about to be successful in something. Simply, IT SUCKS. I have to finish it ASAP. My boss said it's not just about classes it's about learning and so it wasn't a waste! And mid-cry I said APPARENTLY IT IS! (with a chuckle through the cries). Because if it were JUST about learning, I wouldn't have to do it over! RIGHT?! Exactly!

I also told him thank you for telling me so I didn't have to be like "this" in front of the teacher. I really did appreciate it. My boss has a caring soul, and I know he doesn't like when women cry. I guess it shows our weaknesses, huh?! lol

So, I have to deal with that right now. I didn't tell anyone who is taking the class and as far as I know, no one has access to this blog (unless they have MAD skills), and I am planning on keeping it that way. I am sure some people might find out, but not if I had my way...

So there you have it... another down in the dumps start of the week. I am trying to recover, but as of right now I am avoiding that assignment like the plague, which right now is not good, but I just need to NOT, you know?!

On another note, I WENT TO WEIGHT WATCHERS! The last time I went was 4/23 and I had gained a little weight, which was expected. Finals week always does that to me. And it was the man's birthday, so I made him and his brother Better than Sex Cake and if you don't know what that entails it is: german chocolate cake mix (prepared with eggs and oil), then after it's done baking add one can sweetened condensed milk, one can caramel or butterscotch (caramel is waaaaaay better), let cool. Top with whip cream (I do fat free cool whip, not like the calories matter at this point!) and chocolate covered toffee bits. YUM. IT'S NOT DIET FRIENDLY BUT OH SO GOOD! I had three small pieces, but I still wrote EVERYTHING down that I ate. Unfortunately, I went through all but 8 of my flex points over the weekend. But, I am feeling good right now. I only ran on Monday (I was so flippin depressed and therefore tired to go another time since then), but went for a forty minute walk with two cute doggies! Yay for cute dogs! I also plan on taking a walk later today, too. And, really, my body loves when I do me right. I feel so much better mentally, emotionally AND physically!

Even better the boy said yesterday "holy crap, you've lost weight!" ... yay! He's always the first one to notice so that made me happy. And he's honest and not a brownie-point person so double yay!

This is all for now! Thanks for reading!!!

You people have given me a lot of action the last couple of days! YAY! I am miss popular lately, huh? Or maybe it was ONE certain someone being relentless ;), which I love, by the way. This week has been nuts and I am pretty sure I still have only a tad bit of sanity left.

First, that project was a pain. I probably spent about 60 hours on it in the last two weeks. I just couldn't figure it out for THE longest time. The most amusing thing was that I thought I had the last pieces of the puzzle done about 13 times... it ended up being 29 steps (for those of you out there that don't know, THAT IS A LOT!) ... From Sunday night until last night, I have had an average of four hours of sleep per night. NOT healthy. Then I had a take-home test and it was ridiculous to say the least.

Not only that, I found out that a kid from back home died from a horrible car crash. I have known him since he was five... his little brother is in tenth grade and they lost their father a few years back to cancer something terrible. No tenth grader should go through all of the things this kid has gone through. Anyway, I was on facebook the other night and this mature little kid, Patrick, started talking to me. He calls me my name with an R in front of it. Not like I could gauge it really well, but he talked to me for quite awhile and told me that his car is a "molten piece of scrapmetal". Poor kid. I made sure he knew that I was praying for him, that his brother will never be forgotten, etc. I still can't believe it. I was talking to the boy tonight and said "poor Garrett". And he said "NOT poor Garrett, poor family". I needed to hear that. He's in a better place. Period.

....................................................................

Then I have had grading and proctoring and more grading... and I am feeling like crap because I have to start running and getting back in shape. I need a LOT of help... serious help. And can I please not be so insecure?! blah.

This weekend would have been the half marathon I wanted to run, but due to some unforeseen, unplanned, and eventful happenings I am not in the shape I wanted to be now. It's a sad thing, really. I have been through the gutter this week, that's for sure. My stomach has been acting up lately and I have been trying to eat healthily but it's hard when I have grading and assignments of my own and really I haven't done research and I can't wait to delve into it after this crap. I have said it before, I will say it again--- it's so DAUNTING. Thursday I took a day off with my favorite girlies. We had sushi (mine without fish!), had a mani/pedi (no fake nails for me, thank you) and got my hair cut A LOT. I like it, but secretly (or not so secretly) wanted to cut it a bit shorter. I had a thing with a friend this week. By this "thing" I will say few things. I hurt her (not purposely, of course), she ignored me, I was relentless and tried to contact her and she never told me she was mad at me as she just stopped corresponding. I have thought about this a lot since it happened on Wednesday. I am super bummed out. I am really hurt that she just got over it but never told me about it. She's over it, while I am still reeling. My biggest fear is disappointment. I hate disappointing people and myself. I hate hurting others, and unfortunately it happens. I get super emotional, shook up, and over analyze ever little thing. And the thing with me is I need resolution. ASAP. Period. Be mad but let me talk. Whenever I get mad at the beau (not often; he's amazing), even if he knows that certain thing bothered me, I need to tell him. That's just the way I am. So, I have been super sensitive when it comes to other "humans" in the last few days. In turn, I got called pretty much uptight and unable to take a joke "like I used to". I am sorry, sometimes I have girl tendencies. SOMETIMES. I am just hurt... stressed... and my mind is going 800 miles a minute. I played racquetball for the first time today. I pretty much gave up after 40 minutes. I just wasn't getting a workout, and I NEEDED to work out to de-stress. So, I left; the boys were upset... I ended up running 2 miles. Thanks, Ash for the advice. I ran the first ten minutes at incline 2 and speed 5, then the next 5 minutes at 2 speed 6, then went for another five minutes. I got a workout, let me tell ya'! So, awesome advice, because when you get tired and then get to go to incline zero it's "like" going downhill! WELL, here's to a good summer in one week. I hope to make my boss happy and make myself happy by doing my body GOOD THINGS. I just have to try to shake off these things that happened this week and FOCUS.

Easier said than done.

didn't work out yesterday or today
got three hours of sleep
running on a lot of coffee, i guess i am a *true* grad student now huh?
i have a final *horrendous* project due on Friday.
Even the retrosynthesis isn't finished, which simply means there is a LONG way to go.... already 26 steps and all, where all must be explained. Still no weekly sent. He might kill me. It's been too long. He will hate me. So stresssssssssssssssssed! Hopefully I can get on a workout schedule after I finish this wretched thing.
So tired...

Hope all is well, peeps. Thanks for reading.

Yesterday was good- worked out- swam for 45 minutes or so... supper I went to the golden corral, though. I still was good because I had a LOT of points left and I hadn't used ANY flex points the whole week. Hopefully, I will see a change on the scale on Monday... will let you know. 15 and counting, people! :)