A little confused...

25 people visited my site in 24h. That's insane! Now, I hope that this didn't get "too" out (i.e. so my peeps here don't find out about it)... it's different when you tell someone who is in the same situation, a friend, a family member, etc... now I am thinking I am wiggin'! Oh well... I should be happy, right?! Well, I am! Thanks for reading what *I* have to say... I still can't see what I have to say is that interesting!

I found the original post for the Jessica story...

http://gamamiro.wordpress.com/2008/01/21/jessica-leonard-obesidad-morbida-infantil/

It's not in English, but you can see the photo of her and the words around her.

Just been one of those days. Heavy heart. Heavy heart. And my stomach is killing me due to my heavy heart.

P.S. Last night I had TWO muffins (prob. 400 cal total w/ a latte at the coffee shop) BY MYSELF, DG! Then about two hours later when I was still up (bad in multiple ways, I KNOW!)... but I stopped at Jimmy Johns and I got an "unwich". Heard of those? Basically get rid of the bread and wrap it in lettuce. Oh, my! It was SO good! Simply, I orded and said "unwich 1 no tomatoes, no mayo" and it was ham and cheese wrapped up with shredded lettuce with lettuce leaves. Very good. And I was in the drive through and I got a large drink. Okay, so I "invented" this awhile ago. Basically, I LOVE root beer and Dr. Pepper. I don't mind the diet AT ALL... obviously, I prefer it. But anyway, restaurants only have Diets Pepsi and Coke and SELDOM a Mt. Dew. So I fill it almost all the way up to the top (leave about 1/2 inch room or less) and just squirt a little bit of the root beer or Dr. Pepper and I even do that when I get diet pepsi -I just add a SMIDGE of pepsi to it (same goes for the Mt. Dew). It's so weird, it really tricks you into thinking that it is *real*... well, I asked for that last night. I said (lol) so can I be difficult? No ice, diet coke with a half inch of coke? They did it.

But I am NOT trusting at all. I like to prepare my food so I know what is in it. SO I FOOLED MYSELF. I wasn't sure if they actually did it because it tasted so real (and IT DOES WHEN I DO IT, TOO!) haha. I just have to be more trusting, huh?!

Today:

No bfast again. HORRIBLE.
WORKED OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SAT!
Swam for 2/3 mile.
Had jc stop (250 cals) 5 pts
then had a banana a couple hours later (100) 2 pts
s. beach living pizza (330) 6 pts
yogurt (60) 1 pt
s. apple (60) 1 pt
_______
(800) 15 pts...

I am exhausted... and ... a little perturbed...

Okay since I wrote this originally I had chips, a quesidilla and again... two muffins. But this time I MADE THEM therefore I know what is in them... I don't even follow the box... ha. It calls for oil, eggs, milk. I basically put in either the 2 eggs or 1 egg even and just use a tad more milk. I honestly don't even measure. If it is still dry, then I add more milk. I don't think anyone would ever even notice. So... quesidilla = bad. Muffins = not so bad but I could have stopped at one. But my stomach hurt earlier... couldn't really eat. Then I was just like SCREW IT and so hungry that I ate bad for me (hence the quesidilla, but hell, it could have been worse, trust me) therefore making my stomach still hurt... the same intensity as before.
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A song by Avril... I LOVE THIS SONG. It fits me right now...

I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the
words inside my head

('Cause) I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell
you that I care

What's wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say

Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you...away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
These things I'll never say
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Gosh, my stomach has NOT hurt like this for a very long time. I mean, yeah, thank goodness it hasn't hurt like this for a long time, but I feel like I am dying. I wanted to make an escape from the building. As usual, it never goes seamlessly. It was a party, fooosoooo. I basically walked out of the building and cried on my way to my car. I don't know what's wrong with me??
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I am leaving my blog like this. Just like L.G.

"I will end my blog with this"... tomorrow is another day. I need to keep my chin up.