[By the definition NOT of destruction but: a revelation, especially concerning a cataclysm in which the forces of good permanently triumph over the forces of evil.] Where permanent is a relative term OVERALL.

Ran 5 miles yesterday. 12:52 min. mile average - not really what I feel is stellar, but I AM DOING IT AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.

Tomorrow is an eight miler day, and my knees hurt STILL so let's hope and pray for some healing.
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Believe it or not, but this week I have *actually have been feeling good about myself. I have had a self-revelation. I discussed the following with a couple of people near the end of the week...

Voila: <*I think that going to WW is not condusive to my well-being.*>

I am feeling better about myself, i.e. I feel more tone, I feel more fit, I am running, etc.

Yet, when I go to WW and see the number on the scale and it is usually a *little loss. However, even with small loss, I often feel like a failure. I don't know why that is, but I do. Stupidity, yes; I know.

My downfall before was that I stopped going while at the same time stopped caring. Then came a downward spiral.

I think (for the time-being) I will stop going while actually still caring. I think thedailyplate.com holds me accountable and keeps me on track (again, for the time-being) and my DG also brought to my attention that it is not about the number it is about other accomplishments like shaving off your mile time. Ha, I told her that I am by no means doing that, but I AM RUNNING... and that should be a good thing. I told C that I am getting slower and he said BUT YOU ARE RUNNING. YOU ARE PUTTING IN THE MILES. So true.

I have been waking up feeling like I used to when I was losing weight for the first time. I can feel my hipbones better and I feel that my stomach flab is decreasing (sorry for the vivid description! ha). :)

This is all very ironic to me, because I woke up today and weighed myself. The last time I weighed myself was two days ago and I was 193 (was 188 before the fourth of July and haven't ventured into the 180s since then due to me gaining eight over that long weekend) and I didn't see 192, 191 ... I saw 189.5!! I am stoked to see an 18X.X again!!

I am not sure if it'll stay THAT or fluctuate a little up for awhile, but I AM MAKING PROGRESS. I can feel it and now I can see it (not just on the scale).

I think I am actually seeing positively AGAIN. Finally. I hate being negative and being negative brings me down and then the cycle begins. I have to think positive, continue to do positive things for my body and give myself some treats now and again while still being on the wagon... please remind me of this "high" I am feeling the next time I am too hard on myself. Yeah, it's not being "down" it is being too damn hard on myself.

SO YAY!!! GOOD MENTAL HEALTH!!!